Guilt, Anger & Forgiveness
A good deal of our anger is motivated by a desire not to feel guilt and beyond this, the distressing emotions of hurt and fear. We may protect ourselves through anger and blame others for how we feel and find it difficult to forgive the situation.
Guilt and Anger are social emotions that are activated as a function of social exchange. Guilt is a completely personal feeling which can have a paralyzing effect on you. Anger is felt towards someone or something.
Guilt, in contrast, is activated when we perceive ourselves to be overly self-centered and not as concerned as we ought to be with the feelings or interests of others. Guilt results in an anxious feeling that keeps us from acting selfishly, orients us toward seeking the approval of important others, and allows us to maintain an affiliative, connected stance with the other. Indeed, when people feel guilty, they often will want to make amends by giving or doing something for others.
Anger is activated when we perceive the social exchange to be in the other person’s favor. That is, the types of situations that activate the emotion of anger are when we perceive ourselves as being treated unfairly, when our interests are not being respected, when we are not listened to or deferred to when we have legitimate authority, when someone who owes us fails to pay us back, when we are not given what we believe we are entitled to, or similar such situations. In short, when others devalue our interests relative to what we perceive we deserve, we get angry. However, if we don’t get rid of anger and forgive, the bitterness might consume us.
Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is an act. Forgiveness is a conscious decision to let go of feelings of anger or resentment harbored toward a person who is perceived to have committed a wrong. It is rarely a one-time event. The pain doesn’t necessarily disappear once you forgive someone. It can often help the one who has been wronged release any negative feelings and achieve a sense of peace in their lives. Forgiveness is healthy and wholesome.
We can help you let go and get the balance right.